Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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