i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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