I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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