So drunk its hurt
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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