Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let's paint friendship bongs
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
COCAINE IS GR8
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
