I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
