My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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