Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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