I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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