I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
