And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize