I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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