just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
