just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
