guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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