Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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