I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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