youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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