I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
