Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
