I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
