Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
