I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
