mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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