He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
