just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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