So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
