I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
