you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
