I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
