I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
