Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
