Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
