i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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