we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they call him Oral-B. enough said
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
