last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
