either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
