I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
