he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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