party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
