there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
