Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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