if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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