I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
