My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
