I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
