You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
