she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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