Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
