allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have feelings that need drinking.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize