No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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