he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
