He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
