Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
