Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
