I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
