Define "chronic" masturbator.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
