My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
