i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
