THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize