I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
